Hello again, it's been so long. The existence of this blog seems to slipped out of my mind for awhile, or is writing constantly not my thing?
Anyway, I'm here again, after 2 and a half year. Things have changed but few remain. The age old feeling still prevalent, strikes up rather nostalgic-ly when things seems to be happening again in the same old way as before.
3 years ago, I remember writing an incident inside a note during camp in Genting Highlands, and pastor would ask us to tear it off as an "act of forgiveness". I teared it off alright, but not sure if I did forgive. You see, forgiving a person only goes as far as forgiving the past, but when it happens again, the memories of the past will stirred up and the cycles goes on. Forgiving a person only goes as far as forgiving yourself not to hold any grudges of the past.
On the other hand, making peace is like shaking hands with your enemy, metaphorically. Each of you forgive other's shortcoming for greater good such as unity or peace. By pledging for greater good, the occurrence of conflict would seem minor and forgivable. A promise of mutual forgiving and strives to achieve unity together, no matter the difference.
In many cases dealing with problems head on is the most straightforward and simplest solution. But God made each of everyone with a unique attitude, and conflict between two is very often without a clear winner and loser, nor there's a clear way of doing things right or wrong. I struggled, pondered, forgive in many occasion, but letting people know my feelings isn't my strongest virtue nor is heeding people's advice her virtue. I'm a hot headed young adult with a clear moral value and on the other hand, a veteran in life. I'm stuck in the loop and living outside is my only gateway.
Fast forward to today. I felt a sense of peace and happiness, that I've made peace with her. It's not that there's any issues being settled, but throughout the years I've gained my ability to think and to be independent. Being in the final year of my university certainly makes me think about my future more, and the skills that I honed during uni has been proven for great use. I'm more ready than I was three years before, and moving out is one of the option for me. I'm not walking away from the trouble, but I'm making peace with the problem, knowing that avoiding conflict is better than having an argument every time for the sake of peace and harmony.
It would be unthinkable to think having conflict until the need to move out when I was young. But then I wasn't conscience and was brain washed by all the media. It was all positive thinking, positive but childish. And people change, it's not bad. It's called growing up.
But I hold no grudge towards what happened and what is going to, as I've made peace with this issue. I accepted the fact that this is what who we are, stubborn as it may, that lives has been so much more colourful for the difference in opinion, and it's your way of life. I wouldn't lock horn with you anymore, for my new life is waiting ahead of me. That this thing seems so trivial and even laughable, that a more important phase of life awaits you.
